Not so daily thinker

Feminism Vs physiology

This Writing is dedicated for Woman.

I was intrigued by Imelda's Blog She is writing about why man so and so and woman so and so.

She hate when Man put a woman as an object or accessories...or anything that makes woman are a weak being.(speaking in this paternity world).

I'm not saying i was against feminism, no i'm not.

I was trying to give another perspective on that matter in a science point of view.

Is it really man put woman in the object spot ? Or it just woman feeling...or thinking ?

In my previous attempt to understand woman (heaven yeah, can't live with them - can't live without them), I'm writing how hormone can invoke a mental and emotional instability.

Recently when i'm in the bus i sit next to a teacher in psychology and she said that Physiology (especially nerve system) really could affect Psychological behaviour.

Now,i manage to search that woman have a more nerve (literally) than man.You can read it in this link.

Also, woman have to experience more pain than man,despite that their body is designed for more extreme cause (Pregnancy,menstruation and maternity).

If we look at our socio education system you can see that we treat girls more protectively than boys.When they take a bath a boy can run naked,while a girl must cover her body with a towel.Thus,internalize, that woman need more protection (cover) than man.

Woman also tend to take care more of their body than man, and when the man do the same we call them sissy or cupcake or anything that insult man behaving like a woman.God created man with face and skin too you know and it's also irreplacible.

So, man tend to look woman as something to make his life beautiful,thus, accessories for life.

Again, i'm not against feminism or anything,but i just want to make clear that changes can be done colectively by showing to the man that woman can be as tough and ignorance and wild and strong and anything that man do.But i don't think it's quite possible cause in term of action woman tend to fond at one side of the spectrum,the weak and need to protect side.

Try to judge evently on this matter...are you doing what a man did ?so you can have all the right of man?or just a woman responsibility but both gender rights ?It is a paternity world,but if we decide to be as equal as any other being we must (collectively) show them that we mean bussiness.That we don't need man to open the door for us, to cover our shoulder when it's cold or rain, to walk the dark street, to lift up a heavy stuff...etc....anymore.

Face it, you can have all the man clothing and still be called woman.You can do anything what man does but still can be called woman.Aren't you get enough of that already ?

Be as you wanna be, do what you like and please be proud as a woman.For there is nothing diffrent between man and woman (in my eyes) except for the Physiology fact.

-= If you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself than make a change =- Michael Jackson "Man in the mirror"

I'm Not Sorry

Iswandi (31) tak menyesal telah membakar kantornya PT Panca Kusuma di Kompleks Pertokoan Harmoni No A-15 di Jalan Suryopranoto, Jakarta Pusat. Pembakaran ruko berlantai empat pada Senin (17/10) siang itu mengakibatkan tiga karyawan tewas. http://www.kompas.com/metro/news/0510/19/091529.htm

Forgiveness is something that we cannot have it easily this days.People trying to hurt others neither they realize it or not.Sometimes we care nothing for any action we make or any words we said to others.

"Please stop before you feel sorry about anything you said" -=You've got mail=-

Living in this fast pace world of information we could not control any longer all the things we know or hear or watch or see....things just keep coming and going really fast.

Sometimes the abuse of our tools God create us to gather information is just as normal as sunrise.

How many hours we have to look at email,commercials and newspaper ?

How many hour we have to hear things that we shouldn't or don't want to hear ?

Input must determine the output more or less.When i study computer programming i learn GIGO (Garbage in ,Garbage Out).What comes in will eventually comes out.

If you put something positive in the system,then it will (hopefully) comes a positive result.

But if you put something negative in the system,soon or latter the negative will find a way to come out.

Choose your input !!

If there is any option you have to make everyday...choose positive.Stop reading,hearing,seeing,watching negative news...it won't kill you..but it will get you killed someday.Start yearning for positive input.

Ugh head...ouch...ouch....positive.....positive.......

F**K YOU !

Intrigue by my friends Wira's Blog i would try to expand the topics in a quite a serious way.

Many of us ever heard our parents cursing at something unintentionally or not.

We heard that on TV, even the show for kids have a cursing dialogue in the schene.

No wonder a 3-4 years old kids could lauch a full scale language attack on everybody.

In the other hands we (as an adult) never like to hear them saying all those things they shouldn't say.But,our society always try to deny that we as a person is the one who took the responsible in educating our young one.

They could blame others if they heard a younglings saying a nasty curse, their parents, their teacher,their neighbours...but they never blame themself for helping it happen.

Is it really hard not to say a cursing words (or another nasty words) for just one day ? i done that once...it is hard, it's getting easier as the days go by.I use to punish myself if i say something nasty by having a 5 times push up per words spoken.At the first day i broke up a record by 80 push ups...but in the sixth days i only do 15 push ups.Is it really that simple ? it is if we have a will to do it.

Life isn't always go as you plans, also the behavior of the people around you.But you can always control your temper, emotion and any words that come from your mouth.

Ramadhan is always a month of blessing...are you up to take the challenge ?

-= It is your choice to be happy or to be Grumpy everyday =- NN

Casting your line in the wrong place

CHUCK THE FISHERMAN

Chuck love fishing more than anything in the world, every winter he would sink into a deep depression because all of the lakes were frozen over for month at the time.

Then a friend told him about ice fishing.

"What a great idea !" Chuck shouted.'I'll go first thing in the morning"

Bright and early the next day, Chuck lugged all his gear to a smooth trech of ice.He cut a hole in the ice with an ax,baited up his hook,and dropped in his line.Then he waited patiently.

Chuck fisherd for two hours without a bite.suddenly, a loud , deep voice from above broke the silence.

"There are no fish in here !"

Undeterred chuck fished on.About an hour later, he heard the booming voice again.

"There are no fish in here !"

Chuck hadn't fished for a months, so he wasn't easily discouraged.He kept staring at his line, patiently waiting for a fish to strike.Another hour has passed.

" THERE ARE NO FISH IN THERE !! "

Chuck couldn't ignore the booming voices any longer.He covered his head with his arms and asked meekly " are you God ?"

"NO ! I'M THE MANAGER OF THE ICE SKATING RINK"

Sometimes in our daily life we are casting our line and fishing at the wrong spot.Casting our hope in the wrong spot.

Like the fisherman we are very passionate with our hope, but we cast it to somebody who try to destroy it.We hope for a happiness,but we try to tell or hope somebody make us happy.We cast our hope for happiness to a wrong spot, instead of trying to demand people to make you happy why don't you decide to be happy at anything thrown at you ?

Some people happy if they have a million rupiah, but some people are sad having the same amount of money...so why is that ? the amount of money is the same...the point of view is diffrent.So it's a matter of point of view....it's the problem between your ears.

*Making a mental note*

I keep thinking, no ...not thinking ...heads hurt when i'm thinking...i keep figuring out how to cast the line in the right place...

*sigh*

It's nothing more than a pseudo satisfaction if somebody trying to make you happy,trying to make you achive things that you know you never done it first handedly.

"Either you do it or you don't , there is no try"  -= Yoda=-

Big Picture

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. Why the death?

So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil........ Just when the clock struck 11......

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

www.jokes.com

Sometimes we think we doing the right things, sometimes we fail to look at the big picture.My Tutor in life lesson told me that sometimes ini life you just have to stand back a bit....to understand the big picture before you fight them, it's not an act of coward but it's the way to see the whole thing and then start to making a plan to solve it.      

Sometimes we are too close to the Picture frame we cannot see wether it's straight on the wall or not.If you back up a bit,then you can see it and you can fix it if it's not straight.

The other way is to ask another person opinion who is not too close to the problem, so they can give you another point of view on that matter.

When that person is close enough to you, they just give their point of view without you even asking...and then you can call them nosy ^_^.They doing it out of love, because they care...but sometimes we just took it for granted, we tell them that they don't understand, they not in your shoes....of course they are not...that's why they became more objective at that matter than you do.If you say to them that you want to change....but you are doing another way around,then they must tell you something you people less want to hear from your friend...that you are Wrong.But, they tell you because they care about you, because you said you want to change.

Sometimes in this life we forget them, we hate them for what they do just because they say you are wrong (and you feel you doing it right, that they just don't understand......but you don't get anywhere really).

You said you want a freedom, but when they tell you to work for it, you said you don't want to work because it will take your freedom (pseudo freedom).

"Sometimes you have to give up something for a while, to have them forever"

                                   

Children of lesser God : Forever

Compare in the bible or any other kind of Holy book of any religion i always find a dualism of God character.Maybe the who write the bible (maybe God herself) want us to know that He/She have all the character in the world.Means He/She can be angry and compassion at the same time.

But, do we really believe that God have no choice over that matter ? That God cannot hold out His/Her anger ? That God give us rule to life so He/She can let out His/Her anger in the process ?

Why God playing a fool on us ?The purpose of our life is to please God ? To not let THE MAN angry ?if that's the catch why He/She create a lot of pleasure ?Why bother to let some of us make Him/Her Angry...is God really like to punish and to be angry ?

Do you ever think about the purpose of your life ? To dodge all the sin ?To go to war then go home in personal victory (which we call it heaven) ?How about love ?Is it a sin if you love yourself ?what is a sin ?is it a neverending temptation ?If there is God and Evil...who create evil ?If God create it ...why ?on what purpose ?So He/She can let out the anger,feel a neverending battle ? We were taught to hate evil,to deny ourself...isn't denying ourself is a way to deny our creator ? Why God wants us to deny him ?If He/She wants a total obidient...why create so many option ? So we can stray and then He/She can punish us ?Eager to punish huh ?

Somebody tell me that i cannot understand God, and yet if God create us just like Him/Her than it would be that simple to understand THE WOMAN.

If the perfect only can create inperfect..means They are not Perfect...are them ?

Head hurt...cannot think about God too much.....ouch...ouch..maybe God hear me and punish me....ouch...

okay...okay...i will stop talking about YOU.....geeezzz....

The Love Within

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be
Some find it in the faces of their children
Some find it in their lovers eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you find that special thing
You're flying without wings

Sometimes in life we found something that really precious to us, garbage for others but diamond for us.Things that make us head over feet to keep it, to claim for eternity.Still it burst intu dust once we grab it too tight.

Some find the cheer in every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it the works of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry
You'll find it in the deepest friendships
The kind you cherish all your lives
And when you know how much that means
You have found that special thing
You're flying without wings

We never know why that things is so important for us ? But important things tend to roll away along with the times pass you by.

So impossible as they may seem
You've got to find for every dream
'Cuz who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

What use to be important to us , it doesn't important anymore.What don't mean anything to us in the past , mean a great deal tommorrow.Life never stay the same...also our view of what important or not.

But for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunlight on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place
It's the little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you smile
And it's the flying without wings
'Cuz you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings
You're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy it brings
I'm flying without wings

And if i have the courage and power to stay the same, to be what i want to be...i would choose love.Something that all people need today in this world.True love become much-much harder to find, in this material world all the unmaterial things become less significant just because you cannot touch them.Still a lot of people longing for it more that ever before.Take a look at a disasterous moment in life, the Wrath of nature , the miss guided technological appliances...still there is love to be share....maybe that's the only reason why we should aware of love and sharing them.

Things will always be the same if we cannot aware for the answer.Life is a very Bad Teacher, it will always teach you the same lesson over and over again until you get the point...but every loop will always harder than the previous.Better get the point at the first lesson thou.

Better start loving at the very first chance.

Jakarta, 15th September 2005

Rebellious

re·bel·lious (r-blys)

ADJECTIVE:
- Prone to or participating in a rebellion: rebellious students.

- Of, relating to, or characteristic of a rebel or rebellion: rebellious behavior.

- Resisting treatment or control; unruly. See Synonyms at insubordinate.

OTHER FORMS:
re·bellious·ly (Adverb), re·bellious·ness (Noun)

Sometimes we met a rebellious people in life.I have met numerous person who have this kind of atittude.Idon't know why they take some action that not even cross my mind at the first place.

They just don't like  people telling them what to do.They tend to do the opposite things from what people tell them to do.Even if it's actually bad for them but, they just doin it anyway.

It's kinda "say no to authority" Syndrome.I've been one of them once...it was long ago, but i try to think what good for me (physically and spritually) so i stop being one of them.

How do we could cope with this kind of people ? it's the question i want to ask all of you.

If i know the answer i will write it at my next blog

"BUT THEY ARE REALLY A PAIN IN THE ASS !! "

Dream can come true

I Have A Dream
Westlife ( Album : Coast to Coast )

I have a dream, a song to sing 
To help me cope with anything 
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale 
You can take the future even if you fail 
I believe in angels 
Something good in everything I see 
I believe in angels 
When I know the time is right for me 
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream 

I have a dream, a fantasy 
To help me through reality 
And my destination makes it worth the while 
Pushing through the darkness still another mile 
I believe in angels 
Something good in everything I see 
I believe in angels 
When I know the time is right for me 
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream 
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream 

I hae a dream, a song to sing 
To help me cope with anything 
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale 
You can take the future even if you fail 
I believe in angels 
Something good in everything I see 
I believe in angels 
When I know the time is right for me 
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream 
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

It is undenyable that we live here today because someone's dream.Every aspect of our life is a part of a dream, maybe not us,but it is still someone's dream.The dream of our father and mother and many many heroes that die to gain our country's our freedom.

We walk,breath and talk in the place of a dreamer who saw everything before it even possible to compromise.

The most amazing things about this dreamer is they never comes from the same flock of people.They didn't let their mind to be the same with others, they strife to the top because they believe that there is something to achieve.

Dreamer never afraid to think different,When Wright brothers invent flying machine,their father (a reverend) just give a speach about how God wants bird to rule the air.That human cannot fly because it will against God's will.One hundred kilometer from their experimental place,there is a science seminar where all the doctors and the "brainy" people try to explain in all science point of view(physic law,biologi law,astronomy law,chemistry law,etc) why man will never be able to fly.

And yet, Wright brothers proves them wrong.They keep their dreams and make it happen.

It's been told that Leonardo Da vinci is a great dreamer.Some of his dreams, now, is just a reality we see everyday, like parachute, tank,aeroplane etc.

Dream is something that already moved the world and change the living of billions of people today.But still,sometimes we are afraid to dream, even we are bound by the fear that we could not make it happen before we even start the journey.

So it's time for us to dream...have a BIG dream for someday it will change the fate of human being.

"Everybody had a dream, some people wake up and make it happen"

Newly Weds

BAD FOOD

A Doctor was addressing a large audiense:

"The material we put into our stomach is enough to have killed most of us sitting here,years ago.Red meat is awful, Softdring will corrode your stomach lining."

"Chinese food is loaded with MSG,high fat diet can be disastrous,and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."

"But there is the most dangerous of all and we all have,or will,eat it".

"Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it ?"

After severall second of quiet, a 75 years old man in the front row raise his hand, and soflty said " Wedding Cake ?"

(www.jokes.com)

It's sad that a lot of jokes about wedding is negative jokes.

Seems like when people don't have enough terrible things in life they tend to get married ^_^.

Marriage is like a next things we have to do in life, that full of diluded person who think, that they will happy when there is someone to live with them.

On the contrary if they cannot handle themself very well then,it will mean they just double their trouble they have to face in their life.

What we need to have if we want to have a successful mariage ?

I think a common thinking about how to solve problems that will comes around when we live together.

A common understanding about basic/small things that your spouse will do, because small things sometimes end up in a BIG fight.

A lot of respect and forgiveness, for sometimes our partner do something "Idiotic".

A mix point of view about a lot of things will help us not to judge everything first handedly.

Talk softly when you are in anger will always helpful.I learn it from my ex-girlfriend.

Understand that you are not married with a perfect being,so, stupid things will always happen and you just have to let it go and walk again.

Understand that your partner is an emosional being...there is no such thing that "i will never get mad bla..bla...bla".

Vice versa, the "i will not gonna hurt you" line most definetly doesn't work at all.Because hurt and happiness is a by product of your judgement about things...and its deffinetly not yours.

When emotion is involved try to understand that it doesn't have a moral value in it.Being sad is not good or wrong it's just that...sad.

People tends to fight....so make sure you are not in the same ring.Walk out and solve the problem latter on when your partner already take a shower and put their "boxing gloves" in the locker.

Being in love doesn't mean you have to agree on everything they said..or done.Being in love means you can talk out of it and still can make them smile and tell you that they really lucky to have you by their side.

Marriage is not a barter of love....not even a barter of time and space.Marriage is a chance and also a decission to learn to face others after you already conquer yourself.

How can you love others if you cannot love yourself,how can you feed others if you still hungry ?

Please beleive me that like all the beings on earth (watch "Jurrasic Park"), human always can find their way out of something (even wedding vow).So don't rely on it.Try to Trust your partner for the quality they have...sometimes it's the best bet you can play.

Don't close all your relationship with others, it may help you when the going get's tough...but choose wisely.

"The enemy of a GREAT life is a good life"

Gile yeh kesannya gue kaya penasihat pernikahan ajah...padahal pacaran juga belom ^_^.Egh itu tulisan diatas asli loh gue yang ketik...bukan hasil copy paste dari artikel (walaupun gue banyak baca artikel).Semoga membantu.

How to feel loved without hearing anything

I write this blog because of my anger.I hate when somebody try to get an answer to a "Do you love me" Question.Why ? Because so many times i heard them saying it...but i don't feel it.Vice versa and they don't feel it.

This is a tips made for those of you which are numb and only care about words (there are 4 more sense in your body except your ears):

1. Look at her/his eyes...it's the window of the soul.

2. He/She call you (or sms) for a weak excuses.a couple times a day (depend on the access he/She get to do this).

3. He/she ask about how are you doing, do you eat properly,what do you eat for luch/dinner/supper etc.(giving a lot of attention).

4. He/She tells you and share about he/she feel.(specially man doesn't feel comfortable to share his feeling).So if he tell you about how he feel means he is comfortable enough with you.

5. He/She try to give you something in your daily life (doesn't have to be material maybe just a word of wisdom or support) often.

6. He/she want's to eat with you,watch movie with you,sit close to you,stand up for you when you are in trouble etc.

7. He/She want's to touch you....a primitve yet effective gesture to know that he/she care about you.

8. He/she try to make a you a special things that only she/he knows good at (Poet,cake,song etc).

9.He/she try to involved you with the thing she/her likes doing.

10. He/She try to give you (or share with you) the best of everything He/She got.

Please add this list if you are agree with me..or shout at me if you don't agree.

Eenie, Meenie , Minee, Moo

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer, as we go our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

-= The Prayer - Michelle Brach and Josh Groban =-

Sometimes it's hard to see beyond the choice we have to make and it is easier for us to blame others when the consequences from our choices come to challenge us.

I hate when my friends tell me about their problem with their spouse/partner.It's like they don't realize the choice they make and the promise they take.I mean somebody doesn't have to put a gun against their head when they decide to get married rite ?

A lack of understanding from their mind is what cause them to make blow up on the real problem.That's why they should read "Don't sweat the small stuff in love" (i'm not into this book thou,but as a matter a fact a lot of couple is..sweating on the small stuff).The bump on the love road is just ...a bump.It's not like a nuclear strike or Carpet bombing.Just undergo the bump...together.The ability to see beyond choices is very necessary to a healthy love life and we can practice it in our personal life (before you involve everybody else in your mess).

So when the tides comes (because the choice you make) you already prepare the boat and the safety jacket.

It take a Heaven of courage to make a decission,but it takes double of the effort to face the consequences. -= Sondi=-

narsis banget yakk

P O R NO

Setelah membaca artikel Ariel Heryanto yang di tulis di Cyber kompas edisi minggu tentang pornografi gue jadi tertarik untuk mengembangkan ide sendiri mengenai bagaimana membuat film porno heheheheheheh...kaga deeeng,maksud gue memaksa otak gue yang kecil ini untuk merenungi subjek ini (it's tough, since thinking about it doesn't mean have to fantazise about it,but cannot help it ^_^ ).

Ariel menulis bagaimana sulitnya orang Indonesia mendefinisikan pornografi (Padahal kata porno sendiripun harus kita pinjam dari bahasa asing).

He put an analogy about it, terorism just like pornography.We try to banned them in any aspect (include the law),but they both hard to explain on a lot of case they both only can be define in the mind of who define them,hence diffrent people define diffrent definition (hey it's rhyming..).Example :for Bush Alqaeda is the terorist,but for Al Qaeda Bush is a terorist.

If kissing and getting naked in public is a crime, how about the fighting and murder scene on the movies ?

Woman become the victim, while men became the watcher (also the victim of their pleasure).

I think we have to devise a new way to learn about sex,about how we celebrate them,how we enjoy them,how we keep them,how we honor and respect them ,how we take them and cherish them as one of God greatest gift.

I still find a lot of people think when we "do it" ,God cannot watch it.But if God is really good as we believe it, i think He (or She) cannot give us the pleasure and taste of sex to lead us all into hell isn't HE ?

If my mother know that knife is not good for me,she will never give me that knife at the first place right ?

If God give me the Grace of sex...means it can never be something bad for me,rite ?? (naughty thinking but hey..i cannot help it).

Still i believe that sex is an energy, S E X = Synergistic Energy Xchange (from Coversation with God volume 1 -= Neale Donald Walsh =- )

Something that if we do it correctly will create a synergistic energy.

All we have to do is celebrate and embrace them, not to forget honor and respect them.It's nothing to fear,to banned,to shut for....

Dear Soul Mate ver 2.5

Inspired by my friend Ellen Blog that in her endless search for future (perfect) partner in this universe.She began to write a lovely letter to her future partner.Intrigued, i try to do the same for my (future) soul mate.

Bear with me the grammar and the emotion in it (makes you wanna throw up), but who the hell am i kidding with anyway.. ?

Dear My Soulmate,

This letter written to you so you will understand why i call you my soulmate at the first place.

I want you to know that i'm grateful for your presence in my life.I would like to try to thank you about all the things we have done together (at least you are awake enough to do it with me).

I want to thank you for that sweet humming while i'm fall asleep (and drooling) in your lap the other day...it was a very nice 2 hour sleep (and how do you stay there for 2 hour without moving a single inch ?? you should teach me that nifty trick sometimes okay)

I want to thank you for not telling me how i'm going to squeeze my toothpaste, i love to squeeze it by the midlle.

I want to thank you for never think of me as a well build Rambo,handsome as Brad pitt, heroic as Zorro (teeth like bobo ?), smart as Einstein and caring like mother Theresa (nah you will not like me at the first place if i am act like that anyway).

I want to thank you for the sweet smell of yours that seems always dangling at you everytime i hug you (or pass you by).

I want to thank you for reading the book i read and reading the book i never read (i try to,but seems that books contain a high doze of sleeping powder.You should check it or consult it with the author).

Thank you for making up my side of the bed every morning and my closet (can't do it without you dear).

Thank you for not always stand up for my error, when it's wrong....it's wrong.

Thank you for believing me and make me help you to open than damn bottle (i'm sure need an ego raising action sometimes).

Thank you for "doing that" while i cannot seems to make it anymore (the stamina is like a roller coaster ride...sometimes it fast sometimes it slow,sometimes it down sometimes it up).

and...oh yeah thank you for telling me that i'm a great stud after you do "that".

Thank you for not telling my mother i yell at you the other day (sometimes i cannot figure out who is the real children of hers).

I want to thank you for making a good evironment for me to grow and to learn a beautiful aspect of life (and you).

Thank you to teach me that trick about how to skin a shrimp in one pull (seafood is the best).

Thank you for that smile...uhhh ...the smile is really making me horny (and of course that lingerie of yours too).

Thank you for all the time that you ignoring me while i play my console game for hour (you are the best dear).

Thank you for picking me a good movie to watch (i'm not crying...i just scratch my eyes).

Thank you for sharing that herb drink (you know a glass is too much for me...beside it keeps you in shape too you know).

Thank you for making a sweet dinner (I never see you cook anyway, maybe that yoga thing makes you do all the thing fast....i know that "things you do" is).

Thank you for teaching me to talk softly, sure makes me feel renew after each nonsense argue with you (you won the argue most of the times anyway).

Thank you for letting me take your side of the bed sometimes (feel more softer...maybe i should ask the laundry service about that extra softner thing...hmmm i must make a mental note).

Speaking of mental note, thank you for being my second mental note (dopey,sneezy,doc,bashful,grumpy,sleepy....arrghh cannot think of the last one).

Thank you for being my second engineer when i fix that water pump (are you sure we cannot afford to buy a new one this month dear ?).

And the last (i mean for this letter) thank you for never make a fuss of that small thing i complain when i got home (i kinda chatty sometimes...)

Hey i got to stop and make us dinner rite ? hmmm....today is our 25th aniversary sure feels like yesterday.I don't know about you dear, but people tend to never think they are older when they being with the one they love.

Love,

Your Smoochie

As we walk down the isle

"Once upon a time there life a very beautiful princess who have everything,from great castle, lovely children and good husband (recently the princess find's out the prince having affair with another woman,so it makes the prince not so good anymore)..."

"Then someday the princess try to get even with her husband by trying to seduce a long forgotten love of hers..."

The above story is far from happy ending, that's what marriage is all about.

There is so many thread in marriage, so many books try to define and to guide us to sucessful marriage.But still, (i think) that marriage is a process and also jump to the "fire", we just never know until we get there and make a mutual decission how we gonna through it.

Many,many and i said again many of my friend that already in marriage life tell me that some point in their marriage life they fell hopeless about their marriage life.But, then a gain some decission change that love boat 180 degree once again sailing to uncharted water.

If marriage all about decission then why do a lot of people feel suffer after they make that decission ? There must be something else than that.Is it really a feeling that we have to strugle with ?Why do we change ? why do love change ?After we decide to love someone...somehow they feel that we change,or we feel that they change.What's with all this changes that happen to us and to the one we love ?

"Everything have to change,have to move even the smallest of our essence are moving (particle or atoms)"

If our every essence in life cannot stay the way they are...how can we ?

Guess i have to wait a little while to find out the answer..or could you try to answer it for me ?

Bad , Good and Special

"It's not time to make a change, just relax take it easy, your still young, that's your fault, there's so much you have to go through...."

- = Father and Son - Boyzone = -

From the moment i can remember,there is one thing that my family and others tell me about life.Survival to the fittest , Strugle and strife to be number one,there is no such thing as second best.

When i was a grown up (barely) i realize that our community have the same idea about life.If you cannot survive it's your own damn fault, it's your lazyness,it's you who bear all the fault of incapabilty.The school taught us the same thing,sport world,workplace even on independence day games.There is a competition to win, there have to be a war to battle.

Then with my not so daily thinker activity (ouch...ouch...ouch, it hurt),i try to think about something else, what if ...?

What if there is no competition to deal with, what if we can have what we want without the stugle ? What if we can repect each other simply by the right they have when God create them,not by what  they have/achieve in this life ?What if all people special,what if we don't have to be anything people think we have to be to get love and honor.

I don't know about what other think but sometimes it's a very disturbing scene if you see somebody have to scratch the dumpster next to restaurant or supermarket which could throw away a ton of food everyday. Why do people have to strugle for their basic needs/humanity?Can't you see in the bottom of the bridge?on the river side? Do we really need to strugle and to compete just to have a life on this planet ?

If there is number one..there must be nomber two...but if there is only one..then there is nothing else in between.I would like to love everybody like they are the only one.Can i just love everbody the same ? without thinking what have they done to/for me.

My friends (especially woman) cannot understand this thought...maybe i just the silly guy with a big question mark on top of my head.Everybody want's to be special (while they already are, in a special way).

If there is more then there is always less, but if same is all there is..then there is nothing less.

"Ugh head hurt..too much words...can figure out the meaning...my little brain.....it's...it's ...it's melting ?"

The big L

"There's a danger in loving somebody too much

And it sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust

there's a reason why people don't stay who they are

baby sometimes love just ain't enough"

-= Sometimes love just ain't enough - Patty smith =-

I try to understand the basic things about love,but when i listen to that song and  i find a big truth about that lyrics.

Sometimes when we love people too much we expect them to love as the same as much.The problem is, when you (try to) love somebody diffrent than yourself...they have a diffrent idea about love than you.So they may act diffrently on how they express they feeling.But, we just don't get it why did they do that ? What's the big idea ?

Some people try to do some silly things (or maybe it's just in automatic doing silly things mode : on) when they in love, they think that silly things they do will make people they love know how much they love them.

The thing i know about love is when people in love they get excited in life.It's like releasing a lot of endhorphine in the air surround you and you walk pass through it.Everythings seems beautiful and glitter around you.People try to change...while they should understand that the only essence of making people love you is because they just like you being who you realy are.They feel comfort with the you...not you wanna be.

I have some (a lot is not the word) experience about love, from any point of the spectrum.Been in the extreme spot to another spot and in between.I learn that when people say they love you...they just look theirself in you,they became selfish,they expect you to do the same as them...because they will get please and feel that you love them too.if and only if you do the same as they do to you that they will know you love them.

From what i experience i try to look diffrently, when i love someone i try to give them the freedom i could muster for them,try to get out of my feeling and to focus on them instead.Try not to fear or afraid of anything instead to cherish all the love and the moment they give me.

Even the slighliest notice of my day is enough, i try to be true to myself.This freedom thing i learn from my experiences and what i heard,listen,read and see.

Freedom is the biggest present i can give to someone i love,so they can grow the way they want to grow, feel what they willing to feel and love the way they want to love.It skip me from the pain and the dissapointment in my love life (and ordinary life).My mentor told me,once you could love people the same you will find that they are all special in their own way,and than the unspecial/ordinary will dissisipate.Because if there is special then there must be ordinary, not so special...but if you feel they are all the same,then,they all became special as in God eyes we are all the same.Because we are all special.

"You are special, now and will always be.For God made you all special"

"There is nothing a God Almighty create that not special,God only can create special things...that's what She do best"

The light, the Dark and the Grey

Once upon a time live a beautiful princess (at least the prince think so).This princess study abroad so she can have enough knowledge to make her country prosper.

One day while still in the foreign country, the princess got a message (sms) from the neighboring prince wish her a happy birthday.On that day forward the princess and the prince trying to get to know each other, they strife to overcome the distance (and time) between them.But, the prince never get the chance to tell him what he feel (or he forgot to remember he ever tell her about his feeling).

Finally the princess have a chance to go home and meet the prince to ask him what he is trying to say...

"Sometimes in life shit happen"

All we got to do is throw that shit,clean yourself up and move on.

I never get a chance to know and understand women, they all seems so hard to compromise.

With all the talking and listening (and the reading) this years i only understand a few basic rules in dealing with them.

1. No matter what you say or do,do not ever ever ever argue with women.They seems got all the reason in the world to make right for what they did.

2. They all love to be praised (even the fake one),learn to straight up your face while you do it(so they get the sense you mean it while you say it).

That simple rules will get me out of trouble a lot of times, not to mention the benefit i get from that golden rules.I still don't know how or why women do what they do and think what they think,they seems generated by will (i know a lot who doesn't) and feeling instead of thinking process (so they say).

I know a lot of women doesn't agree with me but i just write what's work for me from day to day.

Long enough to live

Traditional food is always a friend of mine,the down part (or the good part) of traditional food is their lack of preserveness.

I was going to Bandung the other day with my friends.We stop at supermarket for a while to buy some snack.One of my friend want to buy vanilla essence for baking some cake.So she try to find that particular item with no expire date on it.

She said that " i need the one which have a long expire date because i can preserve it long enough."

Then, with not so daily thinker attitude i try to use my brain again (still hurt...don't like to think...me want to kill people who try to make me use brain) and give a little thinking.

A Hundred years ago people only eat when they hungry, they only find food if they need to.They really don't want to put some food in the shelf or store it.But today, we can store food for month even forever, we try to find a lot of method so we can store food longer.

The funny thing is we try to put our minds (me not think, me just want to eat, me hungry...me hate to put a mind or two) to do this,we find a substance to preserve it: chemicals,tin can, lead cans,stereoform,plastic,heat,sugar,salt,refrigerator, etc.

Chemicals is the issue that i like to talk about.We put a lot of chemicals to our food, from growing process,nurture process,harvest process to any process that eventually will put that food on our table.

We try to preserve our food without notice the impact it cause to our body.

"We make our food stay longer, while ourself stay shorter in this earth."

"Me hate to think .....me want to go home....me want to sleep"

The Dark side of the moon

Oh how i love being in Indonesia.They have the most authentic (if i'm not suppose to call it spicy) cuisine.

The cuisine just like the people..or maybe the tendencies of the people of the world.Recently i was reading a headline in some newspaper about teachers.

And with my not so daily thinker activity (caveman sound mode: on "me not think...me head hurts....me don't think...me just smash people who order me to think...me head still hurt") i just realize that entertainer and sportsman get paid a ridiculous amount of money while teacher have to suffer from the lack of money.

They the one who make us what we are (or so),there is no leader or anything that can emerge without teachers.We just called them heroes without medal of honor (Pahlawan tanpa tanda jasa), but it seems that our country cannot honor the heroes anymore.

My grandpa once said that in time when the dutch people still reign in Indonesia,teachers is at high social society.They are proud to be teachers,people respect them.

They the one who makes the country.Much of our national heroes comes from an educational background(fundamentals, sprituals etc) ."To strife with independence is to strife with one mind " like dirty Harry always says "it's a dirty job but teacher have to do it."

"Head hurts....cannot think no more"